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"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:3 0am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.. .
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A Hand in the Night
I was troubled and having a restless night. Tossing and turning, waking and staring at the time on the clock radio. Apparently deep sleep was not going to happen. It was now 2 hours since I crawled into bed to exhausted to sleep, so it appeared!
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Subject: Sad News!
SAD NEWS
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71 .
Continued...
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ACQUIRE POWER THROUGH SELF DEVELOPMENT
It is the natural right of every human being to be happy to escape all the miseries of life. Happiness is the normal condition, as natural as the landscapes and the seasons. It is unnatural to suffer and it is only because of our ignorance that we do suffer. Happiness is the product of wisdom. To attain perfect wisdom, to comprehend fully the purpose of life, to realize completely the relationship of human beings to each other, is to put an end to all suffering, to escape every ill and evil that afflicts us. Perfect wisdom is unshadowed joy.
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Searching for an Accounting Job
Accounting graduates, have broader choices and specific paths to follow with their careers. Accounting requires a lot of skills when it comes to business and that is why every company has an employee that is an accounting graduate. If you are an accounting graduate, you can apply in any kind of firm.
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THE 57 CENT CHURCH
A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded."
"I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class.
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TAX TIME
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a loonie. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.
(Adult)
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Weather Bulletin - Denver
Up in the "Mile-Hi City", they just recovered from a Historic event--- one could even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH...
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Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
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A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH
~DEATH~
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!!!
A sick man turned to his doctor,
as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said,
"Doctor, I am afraid to die.
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